Instinct

I have recently passed through three discrete stages of trusting my own instincts: believing too much that they’re right; believing too little that they’re right; and believing that they’re right, but feeling like nobody really cares about what’s right.

None of these extreme states are ideal, but I can safely say that I’ve found the third to be the most demoralizing. I subscribe to the philosophy that truly great success requires an unreasonable degree of self-confidence, otherwise no one would attempt anything beyond ordinary. And, the risk of reaching for the stars is that when you fall short it hurts a lot more – but to me that’s worth the risk. On the other hand, admitting that you don’t know enough to be certain is the first step in learning the things required to have reasonable faith in yourself going forward. And, that’s not such a bad thing either.

The final option reinforces a somewhat Nihilist phase I’m finding myself in – it’s essentially the “I’d rather be lucky than good” school of thought. Earlier today, I read how Steve Case told Charlie Rose that the AOL Time-Warner merger was a mistake and apologized to shareholders. He said he still stood by the idea behind the deal, but he had subsequently realized the importance of execution. Einstein said that genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration. But, how much of it is circumstance – pure dumb, right-place-at-the-right-time, luck? I think inspiration and hard work are necessary but not sufficient criteria for success. And, I do believe that “you make your own luck” to the extent that being aggressive offers one more chances to succeed (and fail). But, what about the things beyond one’s own control that really make or break success?

It seems like the world keeps trying to remind me that real life isn’t a meritocracy. I think I’m trying not to listen because I don’t know how to play a game without rules.